Monday, September 21, 2009

So Ironic

I've been dying to get back to work since I was laid off in January. It took months for me to get used to being a stay at home mom with my girls. and now that I am freelancing for a few weeks I miss them terribly. I think of them all day and look forward to seeing them. It's crazy though. I don't have a set babysitter right now so I have to get up super early at 6:30 am, get ready, get the girls ready and wait for my mom to pick me up and take me to her place with the girls. Or on days like today Monday, my mother in law came over and stayed with the girls in my home.  I feel terrible having to get them up so early. Elize and Zara are usually sleeping and I hate waking them up. So peaceful in their sleep. Agh, I really do miss them. And now I'll have to work on potty training all over again. Grandma's aren't taking care of that. 

Friday, September 18, 2009

Growing up

This post is about growing up...
Not about my daughters growing up, about me growing up. A few nights ago I was watching Dream Girls on tv and you know how Jennifer Hudson can sing! The girl can sing! But anyway, lol, she was singing "I'm changing". So yesterday I was on the train, on my way to work and I thought about how in recent days I've been feeling more confident about myself. No, I haven't lost all the baby weight yet, I still have a ways to go. But I'm getting there. I think I'm in a new phase of my life and I feel like I can see my life as if it were a movie. I'm in my grown woman phase of life. No longer a school girl or recent graduate. I'm 30 years old, I'm married, I have two beautiful daughters and I own my home. So everyday is about being a provider for my kids. Life is no longer about pleasing myself and having fun. Now it's all about the girls. But more than that I'm more confident in myself. Maybe it has something to do with doing a little bit of work this week and freelancing. Getting back to work and feeling productive can also be a powerful thing. So yeah, I guess I feel more like a woman, not so much a girl. I'm still working out to stay in shape but not obsessed with getting back to my pre-mommy size, even though that would be nice. Yup I'm growing! Actually, I'm already grown :-)

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Mommy Shuffle

I woke up Monday morning thinking that I had to clean the condo top to bottom. Bathrooms, kitchen, laundry potty training and everything else that comes along with being a stay at home mom. It was around 9:30 am and I was having my usual morning coffee and enjoying some quiet time at home because the girls were still asleep and that is my favorite part of the day. The part where I get to enjoy a quiet cup of coffee without fuss or interruptions, just priceless. I check my email on my phone and there it was! An email from someone at my old job from where I'd been laid off from, asking if I was available for some freelance work. I was laid off due to company bankruptcy. Now they have been accquired by another company and are going through a series of changes. After 9 months, I finally got something. It's very short term but I think it's very nice that they thought of me. I can definitely use the money and it's great to get back in there and let them know that I'm still available and interested in my old job. One of the great things of working there was that I always felt that they were very family oriented. I never felt guilty about having to leave early or come in a bit late for Dr. Appts with the girls etc. It's tough to have a full time job and manage and raise kids. Anyway I immediately replied and said that I was all theirs! I got my girls ready asap and called my mother in law to watch my girls. I got ready, called the cab, dropped off the girls and I was off just like old times on the train and on my way to do some work. I arrived and everyone was just so happy to see me. Lots of hugs (tight hugs, the kind where you try to pull away and they just hug you tighter, lol). And it was nice. So for the past three days this week I've been going back to the office, helping out with their design process. Some new faces, some old faces but it felt just like old times and I was able to get right back into the design phase like I'd never left. I suppose it helps while I'm at home to continue designing, checking out trends. 

The only down side to all this has been the fact that my girls have been so sick. And now I too have the sniffles. They have had a terrible cold, throat hurts, they haven't been sleeping well neither have my husband and I. We've been so tired. Going to bed super early and waking up constantly to sooth the girls because the cry at night and can't sleep. Today they are a little better and last night they slept through the night. I just can't help but to think that it's so cruel that after so many months of looking for work, finally I get something and the girls need me the most. Hurts so bad to see them so sick and not be able to stay with them, and I have to do this. 

So tomorrow we'll be doing it all over again. Getting up early, getting the girls ready and off to my mom. I'm slowly realizing that it never gets easier. Right now my girls are little and it's tough and when they are a little older it'll be the school shuffle. Oh well. Such is life! We do it all for love. Because we love our families and our children.  That's it for now.


Friday, September 11, 2009

Remembering 9/11

Today is the 8th anniversary of 9/11. I can't help but to think that it's unfortunate that 8 years later we still haven't progressed with the 9/11 memorial in ground zero or with construction of the new towers. I also think it's sad that so many children don't know what 9/11 is. In may cases it's not being taught in school. So much confusion and controversy over how to teach such a tragic event to young kids but I know there is a way. Just as everything else in life you start small. You start with the basic information and build on it as a child grows and becomes more prepared to understand more complex ideas. Just like teaching the birds and bees I guess, though I know many parents don't even teach that. My mom never even spoke to me about menstruation! Crazy. I'm not mad at her, she's a product of her generation and culture of how she was raised. I know today she would easily take the shirt off her back and give me everything, the most selfless woman I know. So much so that's it's a fault. But in today's world, we live in the Information age. If you don't take the first step to teach your kids the important things in life, someone else will and they might not teach them they way you would want them to know. 

Like I always say: everything in moderation, life is all about balance!


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Labor Day Weekend

Today is do-over day at home and starting out with fresh peace of mind and focus. I need more patience to deal with my girls. I tell you, all the progress I made with the girls with sleeping and eating went out the door as soon as this both got sick last week. It's like starting all over again. And let me not forget to mention that I haven't been exercising enough and basically threw my diet out the window. So yeah, I need a do-over.

The only good thing that has come of this Labor Day weekend is that I started working on my business plan. I started doing some research and I am starting to see that yes, indeed this is most definitely a long term goal, lol. Looks like I'll be needing a lot more money than I thought for the Little Black Shop. It's ok. I could use this time to learn a thing or two about marketing, retail and fundraising before I get started. I know fashion design but I don't know the other stuff. I have ideas and a clear vision of how it should work but I need more...I need a real plan to insure that I will make a profit and succeed.

So like I said before, today is about starting over, patience and focus.


Monday, September 7, 2009

The Business Plan

Started writing my business plan. It's great because by writing it I have to start doing research and learning about certain things that I don't have experience in. My experience and strength is in fashion design but when it comes to retail management, and marketing I certainly have a lot to learn still. I'm excited and glad I finally got started on this. Again I still don't have the money but when I do having this plan will get me one step closer. So much I still need to learn but I have all the confidence that I can do this. Taking it one step at a time.


Friday, September 4, 2009

Trying to figure out what's right

I just want to acknowledge that if you read most of my posts you'll see that I have flip flopped a bit on some ideas. I'm not doing it on purpose, I'm just trying to figure out what's best in the end.
That's it.