2010

I'm hoping that 2010 will be a better year than 2009. 2009 Sucked so bad. I hope the worst is over. It's so interesting. 2009 was such a contrast to 2008. 2008 couldn't have been a better year. It was everything I had ever hoped for. My husband and I saved money, bought our first home and had our second daughter. And then came 2009 and just like that it all changed. I lost my job and almost a year later I still don't have one. 

On another note, I've been so discouraged by my stay-at-home mom blues that completely neglected my little black shop. I was supposed to contact a sample maker regarding my designs last week and I totally forgot. This morning I got to it, emailed a sketch and requested a quote for the cost of producing a sample. I hope I receive a response soon. Can't say I'm out the woods yet with the stay-at-home mom blues but I am trying. The little black shop is the only thing I have to look forward to right now to take out of this horrible situation. 

Is it time for a new career?

I've spent some time thinking this past week that I would hate to just drift into oblivion and become a permanent stay at home mom and housewife. You know that is just not what I want for myself. I actually like earning my own money and feeling like I am making a contribution to society. Having said that I've always admired people that work in the medical field, law, and education. These are the people that have the power to affect people's lives. Working in the fashion industry is rewarding in the sense that I can have a way to express my creative ideas but you rarely get the chance to really make a difference. I guess you can also say that the world of art and music is just as important as the rest, after all what would the world be without art and music? It's what gives us inspiration towards something bigger than ourselves. 

Still, I don't want to wait around forever for the fashion industry to finally turn around. I really do want to go back to design, it's what I love but don't want to waste my time either. At some point I'll have to make a final decision. Definitely before my unemployment runs out. I've been thinking, what if I go back to school, grad school to be exact and start a new career in education? 

I would find it rewarding to work with children and teach them that they can be anything they want to be. I would like to inspire them and give them confidence. Tell them that I believe in them and that there's a whole world of opportunity waiting just for them. I feel for kids that come from broken homes or families that don't encourage their growth and education. I've seen it and it's just so sad. At any age kids need someone to look up to but I believe it has to start at a very young age. The younger the better to plant the seed in the mind that they can be anything and surpass any difficulties they may have growing up and is out of their control. 

When I was in 7th grade, I didn't know it then but I had a teacher that influenced me so much. In many ways he helped shaped the person I am today. Before he became a teacher he was an actor. One day he showed up to class and showed us a video of him in a soap opera scene with the actress from "Who's the Boss?" I forget her name but she was the blonde lady. All the students were impressed and I always wondered why would an actor go into teaching? He was a very righteous person. I remember a project he gave us to research civil rights. I did my project on the women's suffrage movement, specifically Susan B. Anthony. That project opened my eyes to realize that women deserve equal rights as men and should always be treated with the same respect. It created the feminist in me. Then there was the time someone in class used the "N" word and he just exploded and was so upset that someone would even dare use that word. He took the time to explain just what it meant and how offensive it was. He was great!

So for now I'll keep my eyes open for Fashion Design jobs. I'm not gonna give up just yet but will start my research for a career in education as a back-up. There is definitely a trade off salary wise but at this point, it doesn't even matter. I think it would be nice to have a career where you can actually make a difference in someone's life, so we'll see what happens. I'll keep you all updated of course. 

Oh and BTW I have not given up my dream for the Little Black Shop! Nope that's still a dream and maybe one day I will be able to accomplish it.

-Alex

Day at the Museum

Today we had a day at the museum. The plan was to go to the Guggenheim which was celebrating it's 50th anniversary and then head over to the American Museum of Natural History but since it was the Guggenheim's 50th anniversary and the entrance was free there was huge line which I was not willing to make to get in. I should have known better so we decided to just go to the American Museum of Natural History. We saw the Journey to the Stars presentation and it was amazing. I think Elize really enjoyed, such a beautiful portrayal of the birth of our Universe and Sun, I highly recommend that you check it out. My husband Eliu tells me that they have program for kids where they can go and sleep-over with story telling and such. I'll wait until Zara is a little older so they can both participate, I can't wait, should be fun. That's it for now, hope you enjoy these pics!

Understanding men and Life as a Stay-at-Home Mom

Do all men have a vice? Is it sports for some, gambling or video games for others? Just curious I need to know. What makes men come home from a loooooooong day at work and head straight to the video game for hours? Or for instance I grew up in a neighborhood where I would get up early go to school and see the old guys setting up in front of my building to play dominos like they were still back in the Dominican Republic or something. I know some that like to spend their countless hours at golf or maybe basketball. My father loved playing pool and dancing. I don't get it. I get having a hobby and wanting to have some fun...but it goes beyond that. There's a fever burning...gotta get to the video game right away or whatever it might be. I have my own interests but I can drop anything in a hot second if my family needs me. Nothing is too important or more important that it can't wait. At what age does it end? It does end right? lol. Hmmm do I go with the flow and just let it be or bitch and complain? And where's my personal time to do my own thing? 

It took me months to get accustomed to this new life at home and I found that when I went back to work for 2 weeks outside the home for a freelance project, I missed my girls so much. I have finally become used to it and I can appreciate the time I spend with them but I remember days when I had to call my mom to pick me up so I can spend the day with her while my husband was away working. I didn't want to and couldn't be alone. I would have days that were so bad and depressing. Hating myself for not having a job and hating myself for being "fat" after having my second daughter. I'd lock myself in the bathroom and cry just so I could get it off my system and be able to proceed to change diapers or do whatever I had to. And there was the day that I was so overwhelmed with being home all day that I almost exploded on my husband but instead put on my sneakers and went out alone for a walk in the rain. How embarrassing I thought for anyone to see me and what I'd become. Of course it was all a huge exaggeration, I've learned to cut myself some slack and give myself time to get back in shape slowly at whatever pace my body requires. 

You know how it is...you go to school, graduate, work hard on developing your career, have work related activities that give you a social life and you start a family. And just like that it's gone and you're home all day with no one but an infant, a toddler and the tv. You miss the adult company and conversations. You miss getting dressed in real clothes as opposed to being in PJ's or lounge clothes all day, looking presentable.

I spend about 16 hrs a day looking after two little girls 7 days a week. Potty training, educating, preparing meals, playtime, cleaning up at home, laundry, soothing them when they are sick or hurt. I never envisioned myself as a stay at home mom but here I am now. It took me months to get used to this. I remember that I never understood when women would say "I need to find myself". I thought it was a load of crap, and just get it together....until....I found myself out of a job and home full time. What would I say if someone asked me "who are you?" My first instinct for a long time was to just say "no one" but I know that is not true. I'm still working on the proper answer to that question hmmm. 

I know that in reality there is nothing better than a child who is raised by their own parent instead of a guardian or babysitter in my case. When I worked I had a babysitter come in during my work hours and stay at my place until I got home from work. As nice as this lady was I know she wouldn't have taken the time to teach my girls the alphabet, numbers etc...Certain things that only a parent will do. She'd make sure they were fed, bathed and happy but that would be about it. So I'm still looking for a job because ultimately I believe it's the best thing for my family and I want to be more than just a mother and a wife but for now I do my very best to enjoy the time I have home with my girls who I LOVE! I try and laugh with them as much as possible, play and just hold them and enjoy them. I tell them I love them everyday and I hope they can feel it.

That's it for now

-Alex

Health Insurance

To all you unemployed parents: 

What do you do when you don't have a job to provide health insurance anymore but still have to make ends meet and pay bills? What happens when you have small children who still need regular doctor visits to keep up with vaccines and such? Do you buy it, If so from where and how much? Do you get medicaid, if so how do you qualify? Back When I was employed it was easy to pay all our bills and still have enough money for dinner and entertainment but now....you get the point. Now what?

So Ironic

I've been dying to get back to work since I was laid off in January. It took months for me to get used to being a stay at home mom with my girls. and now that I am freelancing for a few weeks I miss them terribly. I think of them all day and look forward to seeing them. It's crazy though. I don't have a set babysitter right now so I have to get up super early at 6:30 am, get ready, get the girls ready and wait for my mom to pick me up and take me to her place with the girls. Or on days like today Monday, my mother in law came over and stayed with the girls in my home.  I feel terrible having to get them up so early. Elize and Zara are usually sleeping and I hate waking them up. So peaceful in their sleep. Agh, I really do miss them. And now I'll have to work on potty training all over again. Grandma's aren't taking care of that. 

Mommy Shuffle

I woke up Monday morning thinking that I had to clean the condo top to bottom. Bathrooms, kitchen, laundry potty training and everything else that comes along with being a stay at home mom. It was around 9:30 am and I was having my usual morning coffee and enjoying some quiet time at home because the girls were still asleep and that is my favorite part of the day. The part where I get to enjoy a quiet cup of coffee without fuss or interruptions, just priceless. I check my email on my phone and there it was! An email from someone at my old job from where I'd been laid off from, asking if I was available for some freelance work. I was laid off due to company bankruptcy. Now they have been accquired by another company and are going through a series of changes. After 9 months, I finally got something. It's very short term but I think it's very nice that they thought of me. I can definitely use the money and it's great to get back in there and let them know that I'm still available and interested in my old job. One of the great things of working there was that I always felt that they were very family oriented. I never felt guilty about having to leave early or come in a bit late for Dr. Appts with the girls etc. It's tough to have a full time job and manage and raise kids. Anyway I immediately replied and said that I was all theirs! I got my girls ready asap and called my mother in law to watch my girls. I got ready, called the cab, dropped off the girls and I was off just like old times on the train and on my way to do some work. I arrived and everyone was just so happy to see me. Lots of hugs (tight hugs, the kind where you try to pull away and they just hug you tighter, lol). And it was nice. So for the past three days this week I've been going back to the office, helping out with their design process. Some new faces, some old faces but it felt just like old times and I was able to get right back into the design phase like I'd never left. I suppose it helps while I'm at home to continue designing, checking out trends. 

The only down side to all this has been the fact that my girls have been so sick. And now I too have the sniffles. They have had a terrible cold, throat hurts, they haven't been sleeping well neither have my husband and I. We've been so tired. Going to bed super early and waking up constantly to sooth the girls because the cry at night and can't sleep. Today they are a little better and last night they slept through the night. I just can't help but to think that it's so cruel that after so many months of looking for work, finally I get something and the girls need me the most. Hurts so bad to see them so sick and not be able to stay with them, and I have to do this. 

So tomorrow we'll be doing it all over again. Getting up early, getting the girls ready and off to my mom. I'm slowly realizing that it never gets easier. Right now my girls are little and it's tough and when they are a little older it'll be the school shuffle. Oh well. Such is life! We do it all for love. Because we love our families and our children.  That's it for now.

-Alex

Remembering 9/11

Today is the 8th anniversary of 9/11. I can't help but to think that it's unfortunate that 8 years later we still haven't progressed with the 9/11 memorial in ground zero or with construction of the new towers. I also think it's sad that so many children don't know what 9/11 is. In may cases it's not being taught in school. So much confusion and controversy over how to teach such a tragic event to young kids but I know there is a way. Just as everything else in life you start small. You start with the basic information and build on it as a child grows and becomes more prepared to understand more complex ideas. Just like teaching the birds and bees I guess, though I know many parents don't even teach that. My mom never even spoke to me about menstruation! Crazy. I'm not mad at her, she's a product of her generation and culture of how she was raised. I know today she would easily take the shirt off her back and give me everything, the most selfless woman I know. So much so that's it's a fault. But in today's world, we live in the Information age. If you don't take the first step to teach your kids the important things in life, someone else will and they might not teach them they way you would want them to know. 

Like I always say: everything in moderation, life is all about balance!

-Alex

Trying to figure out what's right

I just want to acknowledge that if you read most of my posts you'll see that I have flip flopped a bit on some ideas. I'm not doing it on purpose, I'm just trying to figure out what's best in the end.

That's it.

-Alex

Bad News and Good News

Today I had some discouraging news and some inspirational news regarding what's going on in the job market. I was chatting with a former co-worker today vias Facebook and unfortunately he along with 2 others were also laid off from the company we worked at. This is just terrible, more people are unemployed now and I hope he and the others find something soon. I had hopes that the company would start to do better and start hiring again so that maybe I could get my job back (wishful thinking I guess). From that news I received an email from the Bryant Park Group with regards to one of the members. This member joined the group a year ago and has finally received a job offer and accepted. I should mention though that this job offer is a relocation! That's pretty much how it is now. Most job opportunities are out of state and that is not an option for me. But I'm happy for her and it was great to read her story because I can relate to her in so many ways. I can relate to her looking eagerly, at first, putting her self on all relevant job websites, meeting with recruiters and being aggressive. Then slowly drifting into the jobless lifestyle, thinking about a new career and going on interviews that lead no-where. Somehow she was able to pick up, re-energize and reaching out to old contacts. I tried that week. I reached out to former companies that I freelanced with and advised I was available. Some of the contacts were no longer with the company and 1 replied but said he didn't need any freelance at the moment. Oh well, the search continues...

Meanwhile, I don't know what to do with the whole business thing. I'm not very motivated. I didn't think it would take this long to find a job and I realize it will take longer, at least a year it seems, maybe more. I'm not giving up, just re-evaluating and putting it all into perspective. Thinking on how to design a line that is special and different from the rest and thinking on how to make the line represent me and my values.

I realize that lately this blog has become more about my job search and less about my designs but it's all related really. Can't have one without the other.

That's it for now...

-Alex

Random Things (Mostly Negative - Sorry but It's Real)

Summer is coming to an end.

Time to focus again. Kids go back to school.

Grown-ups get back to work.

The depression is kicking in now.

I keep getting calls for freelance that lead no-where.

I haven't had an interview for a full time position in ages.

My girls don't have health coverage and it scares me.

I'm ready to cut the cable and get the HD Antenna.

I'm ready to cut the home phone and keep the cell.

Girls need clothes.

Savings is getting low.

I emailed all the companies I freelanced for in the past and gave them my info to contact me incase they need any additional help.

HS Classmate has launched her own line (I wouldn't have expected any less she's brilliant)

Former colleague launched his own line (He's super smart)

Should I just get into some other field of work? Maybe there's other things I can do

Summer has been great.

How long am I supposed to stay optimistic for? Tyler Perry persisted for about 15 yrs approx, before he was successful, was even homeless.

Lucky to have 2 healthy beautiful girls, a home and great husband. (Let's not forget my mom too, she's great)

Don't really want to be a Stay at Home Mom or House Wife, I'd rather be a working mom.

I want to set an example to my girls that women are more than just mothers and wives, and that they have real contributions they can make to society.

I don't know that's it for now. I might edit this later cause I don't think I should even publish it.

New Strategy for Finding Work

As I've said before, finding a job is the key to my success. I'm glad the government has extended unemployment benefits but I don't want to have to depend on that. I would much rather have my work income, it's more money and I can get back on track with my personal and family goals.

Sometime ago I saw on the news a report about unemployment, who is unemployed, how it's affected them and what some are doing about it. In that segment they featured a Fashion Designer who was out of work and a bit stressed about it. They featured a woman who decided to intern again so she can start-over again, a young man who decided to take a job for a lot less money than he was making before and a man who was used to working at an Executive level who was now working janitorial jobs. I thought that was so interesting. What I realize is that the longer you are without a job the less demanding and more flexible you become. I am a member of the Bryant Park Group. A group of fashion industry professionals who have all been laid off from work. It's amazing. There must be at least 100 members and I can safely say that all of them without question are an impressive group of professionals who are all experts at something. Some of the members I've met I admire, and I think "wow now she seems really smart, how come she still doesn't have a job?". Outgoing, resourceful, professional and smart. Yeah, some of them have been unemployed for 1 year to 1 1/2 years, now contemplating their next move and should they relocate, and how are they going to pay their next mortgage or rent. And there are others that are slowing drifting and starting to get used to just some time for themselves, and do whatever they want when they want. Maybe some yoga in the morning or travel a bit, yeah I guess that sounds nice but that's not my situation. I need and want to work.

So now I'm thinking about contacting some of my favorite fashion companies and offering to work 6 months for free, just volunteer. For instance. I've worked for 8 years in the menswear industry but I'd like to branch out and work in the women's industry as well. No company will hire me for women's design because I don't have that experience even if I can sketch up some nice designs for women. Unless they get to work with me and experience my work ethic and dedication they'll never know. So I figure I can volunteer, set my own terms like hours and what I want to get out of it. I can probably work a 10-4 M-F schedule or whatever for free in exchange for assisting in anything necessary within the women's design department and participating in all fit sessions, line presentation meetings, participation in line preparation, colors, research etc... I can help them out with their tech packs, presentation materials, ANYTHING. The goal is to gain a new work experience that I might not be able to get hired for and branch out into other areas so I have more options for employment. And you never know. I've freelanced many times doing basic design work and more often than not I've received countless job offers for more advanced positions, but that was then..., and this is now. I haven't been able to freelance since being laid off, thus my new approach.

Ok so what do you think? I'm also thinking about getting back in touch with my former employer and seeing what their status is and if they would be willing to re-hire me. Hey you never know! In addition, I emailed Gen Art and replied to their ad for volunteers during this September's Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week. I hope they call back. Overall I think this is a good plan because it's better than not doing anything (not that I'm not doing anything, I'm raising my daughters) but at least it'll keep me in the Fashion Industry and who knows what other doors will open up for me. This plan does require a bit of letting go of pride and ego but sometimes you have to be willing and able to recognize when you are down and get back up. I'm not too proud (anymore), it's ok. This plan also has it's challenges, like childcare. The fact that I won't have paid job means I can't re-hire my babysitter to take care of my girls while I'm not home. She used to come early in the morning before I left and would leave my home when my husband or I arrived home. It worked out great. I would have to figure out how to get my two girls out early in the morning and take them to my mother who would hopefully agree to watch them. Agh, lets see what happens.

-Alex

Need Motivation and Focus

This might be a long one...here goes!

It's been a while since I've written anything or even updated my website with new stuff. Basically the way it goes is that if you see me disappear for a few days or week or two it means I'm lacking motivation for a number of reasons. Could be that I'm frustrated with my job search because it's now been 7 months of unemployment and finding a job is the solution to all my dreams and aspirations. It could be that I am am upset about not losing the baby weight. I've had two kids and I'm not one of the lucky few that just lose it naturally, I have to work hard at it everyday, give up food that I love and try to get myself to the gym 1-2 a week. Though it's not enough it's all the time I have available to workout because of child care issues. Or Maybe I'm unmotivated because all I want to do is launch my line, have my money, set-up the tech packs, send it to a factory, source the fabric and just GO! GET IT DONE, RUN WITH IT!

But I can't :-(. So what am I supposed to do? If you notice it's been a while since I have even posted any new designs. Doesn't mean I haven't been sketching in my book, just means I haven't been motivated enough to design it in Illustrator. The last two evenings, I've been watching "Black in America" on CNN. And it was great. It was inspirational and motivating. What sticks out on my mind the most at this moment was the part about Tyler Perry. Maybe his story was the one that relates to me the most. He spent a long time being homeless but he never gave up on his dream. He saved money and rented a theater, produced a play and it failed terribly. But he didn't give up. I think in order for me to succeed I have to be able to be persistent, go for it and be prepared to fail and get back up again, learning from mistakes. I always knew that's what it takes to make it but now I "see it" clearly. Before although I knew that's what it took I wasn't ready to tell myself, "hey maybe you'll fail and that's ok, try again". Now I am prepared and I understand. I am ready to do what is necessary, work hard and hopefully succeed. But if I do fail and I am prepared to put it all on the line and try again.

So I'm gonna get back to designing my line. I still believe in it and I think the designs are coming out great. One thing I need to work on is selling myself. I need to work on being able to meet someone, and tell them about myself and my line and why I think it's great. I'm not there yet.

This line will be a long work in progress. Losing my job has been such a set-back. I have to pay off some debt and take care of some personal needs. Ok the truth is that yes I have to pay down my debt but I need a vacation, it's been 2 1/2 years and I'm a little mentally exhausted. I figure if I'm gonna blog I might as well be honest otherwise what's the point, lol.

-Alex

Friends and Family

I'm always amazed at how incredibly lucky I am to have such supportive family and friends. They are the the key to my success! I bet I could design a dress made of a garbage bag and they'd tell me it was the best dress they'd ever see. I'm I really that talented or just that lucky?

Last night I was up at 2:30 am feeding my 10 month old baby Zara. She fell asleep right after her feeding but I was left tossing and turning in bed. Still inspired by my day at Bloomingdales with by husband, I picked up my new sketch pad by my bedside and started sketching. I had such a rush of ideas I couldn't wait any longer.

I seriously need to give this all I got because I think I'll never live a happy life if I don't at least try. I can visualize a small design studio or store, even what the website can be like. I'm just ready to give this my 1000% to make it a success.

Today I'm calling the seamstress, hopefully she'll want to work with me and I'll head downtown to buy fabric and get her started making my samples asap.

Good Examples

So today I found out that a former collogue from work has started his own line of hats. This is the perfect example of how someone starts with just one idea and expands and grows. He as a Design director of a very cool brand partnered up with his former sales person and will now have the line in Bergdof Goodman. I'm very excited for him and I know for sure they will do great.

The Weekend

What a weekend! Wooh! Farrah, Micheal, and even Billy Mays. I'll just say I want to live long enough to see my daughters grow up and lead happy and successful lives. Hard to design with thoughts of Michael Jackson and all the media honoring him.

On a lighter note, I made a great business connection on Saturday. I was sitting in McDonalds waiting for my husband and I overhead the conversation of two ladies sitting behind me. I guess they were having a little business meeting there. Basically a sample maker with at least 32 years experience who is now retired but does still do some work from home. From listening to her conversation it seemed she was totally legit and knew what she was doing. I waited until they're meeting was finished and asked if the sample maker would take some time to sit with me and talk. I have her number and looks like I got myself a sample maker to start developing my line.

I'm excited