Tuesday, November 24, 2009

A Note for My Daughters

This is for my daughters. Though they are young and can't read yet, one day they will. After the crazy mess Elize and Zara made today I tried putting Elize to take a nap. She woke up in a terrible mood just as I was ready to serve her dinner. So of course she didn't want it. She only wanted juice. Then that escalates to crying and more crying. I tell her she needs to eat her dinner and for the first time she tells me she doesn't like me, she only likes daddy. She repeats it over and over. 

I was very sad but I did the only thing I could do, I told her I loved her anyway and that I always will. And though she is only 3 now one day she and Zara will be teenagers and we'll have our differences. And even when they upset me the most, I'll still love them. I'll love them more than they'll ever know. And I say this because I know my mother loves me, but only she knows exactly how much! I'm sure I hurt her feelings when I was growing up as I too favored my father, which I now regret because I realized too late all the sacrifices my mother had made and everything that seemed unfair then makes sense now.

You can only realize this type of love after you are a parent, as a child you can never understand how much your parent loves you. When those teen years come and they think I hate them or I'm trying to ruin their life, I'll only be trying to do what's in their best interest. And I'll tell Elize and Zara the same thing I said today. That I love them anyway! 


frida said...

Great moms tell their children that love is unconditional. Fuzziness translates to resistance when you are trying to keep a routine or implement discipline. If dad lets them get away with their ways, of course you are going to be seen as the bad guy. You both must agree on what goes and what doesn't. She was upset and verbalized it in those words. Children learn this manipulation of words and feelings early on, but don't be afraid to teach them with tough love so that when they do become teenagers the experience is more gratifying or less conflictive. Us mothers tend to blame ourselves and carry guilt when our children cry or say hurtful things that most of the time they do not intend. A cool off time or a brief time out followed by a hug after the behavior or situation is calm always worked with my kids, especially my daughter who had a strong character and difficult. Good luck...Do the mom thing and don't let them run the show. You already approach it lovingly...they know that deep down. Do your thing..follow your heart. Moms know best for a reason, God gave us the gift of intuition. Don't shy away from it. Thumbs up, Alex.

Alexandra said...

Great advice Frida, thank you.

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