Need Motivation and Focus

This might be a long one...here goes!

It's been a while since I've written anything or even updated my website with new stuff. Basically the way it goes is that if you see me disappear for a few days or week or two it means I'm lacking motivation for a number of reasons. Could be that I'm frustrated with my job search because it's now been 7 months of unemployment and finding a job is the solution to all my dreams and aspirations. It could be that I am am upset about not losing the baby weight. I've had two kids and I'm not one of the lucky few that just lose it naturally, I have to work hard at it everyday, give up food that I love and try to get myself to the gym 1-2 a week. Though it's not enough it's all the time I have available to workout because of child care issues. Or Maybe I'm unmotivated because all I want to do is launch my line, have my money, set-up the tech packs, send it to a factory, source the fabric and just GO! GET IT DONE, RUN WITH IT!

But I can't :-(. So what am I supposed to do? If you notice it's been a while since I have even posted any new designs. Doesn't mean I haven't been sketching in my book, just means I haven't been motivated enough to design it in Illustrator. The last two evenings, I've been watching "Black in America" on CNN. And it was great. It was inspirational and motivating. What sticks out on my mind the most at this moment was the part about Tyler Perry. Maybe his story was the one that relates to me the most. He spent a long time being homeless but he never gave up on his dream. He saved money and rented a theater, produced a play and it failed terribly. But he didn't give up. I think in order for me to succeed I have to be able to be persistent, go for it and be prepared to fail and get back up again, learning from mistakes. I always knew that's what it takes to make it but now I "see it" clearly. Before although I knew that's what it took I wasn't ready to tell myself, "hey maybe you'll fail and that's ok, try again". Now I am prepared and I understand. I am ready to do what is necessary, work hard and hopefully succeed. But if I do fail and I am prepared to put it all on the line and try again.

So I'm gonna get back to designing my line. I still believe in it and I think the designs are coming out great. One thing I need to work on is selling myself. I need to work on being able to meet someone, and tell them about myself and my line and why I think it's great. I'm not there yet.

This line will be a long work in progress. Losing my job has been such a set-back. I have to pay off some debt and take care of some personal needs. Ok the truth is that yes I have to pay down my debt but I need a vacation, it's been 2 1/2 years and I'm a little mentally exhausted. I figure if I'm gonna blog I might as well be honest otherwise what's the point, lol.

-Alex